Confessions

Dark again and nowhere to throw my thoughts. No sounding board. This will have to do... Ever find yourself in the same house, surrounded by all your familiar toys, every thing loved and accumulated, nothing feeling quite the same? On a whim you start up your computer, you pull an old friend close and you start to type...All of your life rolls out like hills before you and the horizon looks too close to have all the memories you do. All of that landscape, and all the ditches you dug to throw yourself into, all of the gardens you planted to remind yourself that beauty exists, all of the crosses from people you buried to save yourself a little hurt along the way trip you up and now that you have the time you can name every one of them, like children you gave birth to and left. Every cloud is a piece you painted to remind yourself to breath and every bird in the sky is a dream you set free just so you could watch it climb into the sun until your eyes burned and watered. Faith grows up with the grass and seeps into your toes, you squish it like tomatoes and feel the juice water your soul......my favorite song plays through the speakers and all of the vitamin F in the world can't save me from these tears.....another confession from another lemon masquerading as lemonade.....what if you gave everything to someone and when they were gone, when you began to have the ability to see past the curtain into that little room, what if you found that you were just like Oz? Giving big and smiling big and knowing deep inside that you had kept a goodie bag all to yourself, right by your ankles like a comforting pet, a bag full of all the things you forgot you knew you had, all the things that make you you. And because you were this selfish you can continue to live, you can roll that landscape out and out and out and it may never stop, because you kept reserves, and all the hurt in the world can't deplete your supply, you are a wizard with a balloon and an endless aching sky.....