maybe you have a star

i would kill you myself if i didn't have so much to lose from your murder
some days i can see how people snap, how they plot gently, secretly in closets and coffeehouses
they are ugly on the television - we see them with judgement
and we think they must have always been so.
we do not see the drivers who brought them to this place.
the men with tortuous intent
i wish you would put down the knife and stop killing me so that I can stop wishing for your death in self defense.
because the baby i hold is better than your death.
he is the only remedy to you.
he is my only saving grace,
his existence allows me to hope that maybe you are better somewhere
somewhere deep inside might be a handle buried,
if i could reach it I could unearth it
your goodness
because he has the light of a million stars shining in his laugh
i think that maybe beneath the wicked
you might have just one