as you slept i watched you, you moaned in your sleep and turned to hold me the way a man will grasp for a railing as he trips. you were unexpected and unsuspecting. an undeniable combination. the cloud that surrounds you is mostly an ocean's depth of light blue. sometimes though, it is green, and on rare occasions, a dark and sparkling grey. the sort of grey that makes you want to scream out into the open until they come to capture you, put you in a bad novel where you will live melodramatically, and tearfully earnest for the rest of your life. which will be a long time.

this cigarette is telling all of my secrets. it is aggravated and menacing to strangers. it reaches out and leaves tiny, beatnik stains on their cheerful slacks. summer slacks. meant for beaches, and trapped on sidewalks with frivolous sandals for company. and they aren't much company are they? vapid chatter and tiny drinks. a head nod to show she understands. a laugh that only hovers near her eyes, but never truly  goes in. it doesn't have the password. it's only there to be polite.

if you were to wake at this moment, you would capture this photograph of all my truths. there would be no going back and i would be engulfed in your flame.

it is possible that in the morning, i would be beside you still, sated, new. a phoenix beneath the sheets.

it is also possible that you may simply roll over, soot on your body and find the space i once loved you from.