tumble drunk and best buds

flailing, both of us, one arm around the other and weaving as best as we can through thickly organized tables and chairs to find a door, any door really - where is the door? i know it's here on one of these walls, there must be a door, because we are inside and once we were outside...we didn't get in by osmosis, damnit! but drink after drink to quell some deep hurt works and now the hurt is gone and so are my legs, ha! so are your legs for that matter... and it has truly been so long...so long since a drink with girlfriends left us spinning around like children in fields, and this is good, it's a good way to be, fun and loud, a parade of two with no ring leaders, no rings at all and apparently no door to the outside either...

i call you up the next day and mourn the fact that no man ever loved me enough to love me past the edge of the bed...guilt pours in like syrup, thickly sweet under the smell of last night's laughter and beer...is this what is wrong with me? there must be a million reasons hidden somewhere in those men, reasons that if i could just find i could have some closure. and all i was looking for any where was unconditional love, the love i give - which if you listen to some people isn't love at all because i expect it back, i expect some return on my investment. but isn't this all that any body does? we invest our hearts a moment at a time like pennies building up and when we have paid so much we expect some incredible return, we expect heaven rolled up in a fatty bag for us to carry around - our favorite burden.

and Thank God for you, to remind me that i have been loved for more than my bed, and that in dark moments it may be hard to remember that love, but that it's still there, even in the dark like a friendly pet to surprise you with a squall and bite when you bump her in the night.