up into the abyss

every moment that i hold you is a moment closer to death, that ecstasy of climbing the highest peak and jumping off to float into the atmosphere, nothing but the sun to cushion my fall...this is a delicate balance, a fine line like the Rockies from space...a skewed vision, only my perspective of love, of dreams, of finely tuned illusions. kept secret since childhood, and coming to terms with the fact that there is nothing wonderful about me at all except my ability to love...and that's the only quality i need.

and we lie so close...linked by verizon and a wish for intimacy, and you reveal no longing to know who i was when i wasn't yours but that's ok. because i was crushed like an aluminum can, and stuffed in the blender of life, churned until no trace of my soul was left. so what you see is brand new. there is no one else like this girl in the world. i am a brand new invention, built out of trust in blood and sweat and imagination. i've bathed in hurt and come out crystal clear and strong, like china, like lace, like music...and this is it. the only truth that i can present...who i was has been crushed to a fine dust...and as i stand on the edge of God's seat i hold my past out to the wind, ashes to ashes ~ and i know that if i jump there may be more to catch me than sunlight...my soul is out there swirling in the blue ... waiting for me to have the courage to throw back my arms and leap