jumping off

i hope it's as beautiful for you as it is for me...this sky...it aches and sings with a clarity i feel i don't deserve...i'm choking over this desert, it crept into my throat during the night and no matter how much water i drink it's there, vicious sand tripping up my breath and holding my lungs hostage...this is what it's like i know, once you dive into love you sacrifice everything and you have no right to ask for any of it back. all you can do is the best you know how and pray to God you don't fuck up.
so now i pray...i close my eyes and i trace the shape of your memory....i bruise my knees with prayer...don't let me fuck up...but right now it's not God i'm asking, it's myself. i walk away from myself, eight, nine, ten paces out i turn and look at myself. i count the scars, i count the gravel under my feet, i count the notches on my belt and i ask myself if all of those marks of growth were worth it...


so here i am, on the chopping block, waiting for the song the air makes as the axe cuts through on it's way to my heart....