with my favorite song for a pillow i fall asleep

a dream ago i was running through a feild or a building, chasing myself into rooms where i could see myself dancing, stretching myself over these bones, solving the ache that i forgot to tell you i remember.

every glance backwards confirms that i'm over the worst hurt i ever had, and if it only took this long, could it have been so bad? nevermind that the otherside of my skin is torn with the scars inflicted to aide in forgetting...

"you won't hurt yourself?" you asked
"don't flatter yourself" i said

and i didn't hurt myself unless you count running through the mess you left behind over and over again until there were bruises layered over bruises like thick cloth covering up my heart....

i didn't hurt myself unless you count replaying the memories in my head until i was so delirious with greif that i fell down the stairs and couldn't even be bothered to get back up after i'd reached the bottom...

i didn't hurt myself at all, because as i wandered the streets of my heart, trying to repair the nuclear damage of your actions i was so intent on NOT hurting myself that i forgot to look both ways when i crossed the street and when the glorious beast ran me down, i didn't feel a thing....the thick bruise cloths that covered my heart protected me... i knew that nothing could ever hurt me again...i would never again be on the losing end, protected by the hurt i'd already felt, i could go on and on and on and even when this beast began to swallow me whole, the teeth never hurt...

and i still remember you in my prayers because i know that the correct answer to your question wasn't "don't flatter yourself" but "never as badly as you're going to hurt yourself..."

and i lie in the belly of the beast, curled up on his heart, protected by hurt and love and all the juices of both...with my favorite song for a pillow i fall asleep...