another installment of happy confessions

sometimes i don't eat because i'm too lazy to make anything - even cold cereal. i'm afraid of getting fat feet - which is a major reason i don't want to ever have babies. when i'm by myself in the car, i practice my acceptance speech. just in case i ever win. tom cruise scares me more than cancer. i always look behind the shower curtain before i sit down on the toilet. you never know what might be there. every time you get angry i think about leaving. not because i don't love you, but because i don't know if i love you enough. i still sometimes dream of being an elf. i talk on my cell phone while i pump my gas. the wedding march reminds me of Darth Vader. i love disco. i answered the phone while having sex - it was my boss calling to say he hoped i'd get well soon. i did.