Falling Inside Outside Over and Beside Myself

still. this is a little pathetic, i know, but bravery is the farthest thing from where i stand right now. remember transference? as in loving one person because they remind you of another? you left your psychology book on the shelf and i opened it to this page, and it doesn't make it any easier. when first i fell, i thought it was the most miraculous downward flight, cushioned by your bellowing laughter, comforted by knowledge that any stupid joke i threw, you could catch, and any ridiculous pun you rolled would roll right up my sleeves and into my belly to breed giggles there and set them vibrating through my entire being as we car danced and couch potatoed, as we pool sharked, and whiffle ball batted. the bottom of this pit looks closer and while at first it looked like alice's tunnel full of amazement and places to go, now it's looking like the well from The Ring, murky and stinking of some other girl's skeleton. now i can feel the burn of injuries gathered during the tumble and i scrape my nails on my way down, i lift my face to the dwindling pinprick of light that is the way up.