confessions deep and dark

i like to eat cool whip straight from the container. i don't care for dog slobber and sometimes i spend hours in the bathroom inspecting my eyebrows. i think helping someone pop a zit on their back is a sign of just how much you love them. i like football, i do, but i always fall asleep during the games because let's face it, sometimes they are damn boring. i don't care enough about my lawn to mow it. i don't think smoking cigarettes is a yucky habit. it's sexy as hell and you know it. i feel more guilty about not subscribing to NPR than i do about fantasizing about having sex in the balcony of my mother's church. i like to smile at people. i think it makes them happy to see that they make me happy just by smiling back. i eat salad with my fingers and i believe this makes it taste better. sometimes, on Saturdays, i walk around in my backyard in the early morning, before my husband or my baby wakes, i walk barefoot, and i lie down in my too tall grass and i listen to the earth. she brings me peace, and i send my soul out into the universe to find yours, to see if it wants to talk.