slide

i want you to know that you didn't always shine for me either, and sometimes i didn't even like you, but i always loved you and that's maybe the biggest difference between us. when you were less perfect than prince charming was ever supposed to be it was ok, because my own faults evened us out, we were like a teeter-totter to me, taking our turns getting dirty at the bottom. perfection would have meant sitting even, never falling but never flying either and i couldn't take that...but it's what you wanted wasn't it? you were looking for june cleaver in a hippy dress and when my face was dirty from the lessons i tortured myself through you refused to see the girl you loved underneath. ... i wonder if you realize this ... i know that so many of these entries are about you, what you didn't see, what you did wrong... i want you to know that there are entries on my heart about what i didn't see, what i did wrong... they are there lining my aorta with letter after letter describing lessons learned... in days coming they'll be here too, heartfelt admissions for all the world to dissect or ignore. ... i want you to know that even though it might sound like it, i have no animosity towards you, i know you were somehow trying to do the best you knew how. and really that's all i've been trying to do as well. i don't know if you care or wonder, but the only reason there are still things to write about you is that i still love you. over and over again people tell me to fight for what i love, and i believe in that, you know i do. but i also believe that sometimes the fight is in learning to let go. i'm learning to get off the teeter-totter once in a while and try out the slide. i hope you are learning what you need to know too. i hope you figure out that some times all you need to do is wipe away the dirt and you'll find that what you were looking for was there all the time.